I have started to see alot of harsh reality here in Malawi.
We have problems here that are unattended. Our children. Our children are being beaten and suppressed. They are not allowed to love, cry, miss someone. I see it daily.
It's very hard for me to see because I dont know to understand this as my reality.
My reality is love. I was somewhat also brought up shamed for having feelings. But not beaten or punished.
It has taken me many years to discover myself again and return to what I'm supposed to be. To understand myself entirely as a whole person. To understand each emotion and allow it and control it. That I did not have to suppress it all these years but simply understand it and try work with it. This is the answer.
When I was around 36, My brother came to me with 10 cards, he saved my life. On each one he wrote down and emotions...anger, sad, happy , confused etc. He explained. Each card is an emotion. Understand how you feel, learn about the different feelings. It's ok to feel.
Prior to this I wes very confused. I did not understand or know myself. I did not understand emotions and how to deal with it. I would scream sometimes not knowing "it's just feeling. Put a name to it, think bout what you're feeling, it's not wrong to feel. Let's process it. Dont suppress it" I was very messed up until my brother showed me this. He saved my life at age 36. I wish I had known this sooner. I wasted much of my life in severe frustration for nothing.
I was scared. Scared to express myself. Scared to go out there and live. I thought I wasnt allowed to. I thought being myself was wrong. That I had to apologise for feeling anything.
I saw a girl two nights ago. And it broke my heart. So much so I felt scared and sad for how she is being taught by a parent who is so selfish, lazy and evil. This mother beats her child if the child complains, cries, or anything of the sort. It broke my heart. I could see the damage right in front of my eyes. This girl will think it's ok to be stripped naked with just underwear on in the cold at 11 at night, and waiting outside for a blanket without saying a word. Not crying, not asking why, nothing. Just standing there, scared to talk, scared to be herself. Scared to cry. Scare to ask or complain. She said nothing.
This girl left all her new toys behind that she got that day, and if she cries for them, she will get beaten to submission. Its shocking.
I cannot handle what I am seeing here. The suppression is huge.
I have seen parents leave their children for weeks on end. Its called neglection. Some parents have no choice because of money. But the children, do they ever cry or ask for mam? No. Why is this?
Have they been suppressed? Taught that any feelings is not relevant? How sad.
Is that why so many people are inconsiderate here? They have simply been brought up not to care. Not to even have a conscious or care about their neighbour. Or even bother to think how stealing money from our people is a bad thing? Not caring about the ones suffering? Only yourself and your own greed?
We have a future that is dead. And full of problems and frustrations. And confusions. Suicides etc. People labelled as crazy for feeling. Have you ever asked yourself why people have no drive in this country? Why women have been taught they are not allowed to love? Women who tolerate abuse. Being beaten, and hurt. Scared women. Scared to be beautiful from the inside only outside. Scared to express their love. Men shamed for feeling. Men shamed for loving.
The reality of all this is starck. And hard to accept as pure truth.
Bringing up a child who is free to learn about themselves and their emotions is hard work. We have alot of lazy parents out there beating their kids for feeling. Therefore a nice and easy parenthood. No kids crying, no kids complaining or learning how to live and be normal. Just suppressed. And dead. Frustrated and very confused. And abused.
I see kids sitting in a bank dead quiet. Just like robots. Scared to move, scared to ask "can I write on a paper" scared to go learn about how the drinking suspenser works. Imagine how these kids will growup. Scared. Scared to experiment, scared to be free, insecure. Thinking they are not allowed to do anything. Insecure and scared cause they have never tried and feel they are not allowed to. And we complain and ask ourselves why people dont take initiative in the workplace here????
Imagine rather raising a child who chooses to sit quiet out of their own cause of how you have taught them. A child who knows how to choose to respect and love thy neighbour out of choice,. Not force???
Personally I find it easier to bring up kids in reality. I as a parent am un tune with all my emotions now, I've become psychologically very clever, and I know alot more now about my own feelings and how to process them. As a result it's now very easy for me to teach my kids the same. As a parent if you are in tune with yourself, it's easy to teach as a result. You can just be real.
With a nation of already suppressed parents, how will we even begin?
